


James

by HappyLeech



Series: Muddled Thoughts [1]
Category: Silent Hill, Silent Hill (Video Game Series)
Genre: Disjointed Trains of Thought, Dubious Sanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyLeech/pseuds/HappyLeech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think I'm going crazy."<br/>A rambly, free-flowing look into James's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	James

**Author's Note:**

> A very loose and disjointed piece that peaks into James's head while he's rowing across the lake.

I think I’m going crazy.

The letter- _her letter_ \- is blank…here I am in a row boat, on this empty foggy lake, panicking …no. I-this must be the wrong piece of paper, I must of dropped the letter and picked this up instead. I tell myself this, but I know I’m lying to myself. I shouldn’t have come to this town…I continue rowing, rowing to the hotel…our special place? This whole town was our special place but… Did Mary really die all those years ago? Mary, are you really there? Or are you like …Maria? A phantom to entice me to continue? Is this all a trick? I should of destroyed that letter as soon as I saw it, but…I want to believe that you, you are still here, leading my to where you are, you alone, needing comfort, a person to stand by…Or do you? I was horrible that year you were in the hospital, angry and raging and sad and hopeless and…alone with out you there to be with me, to help me cope, to calm my fears, to make me feel that I was worth something…But was I really the person you thought you married, a kind loving husband…You always wanted children, but…I never thought of your needs, only of myself…Is this why I’m trying so hard to find you now? And what if I can’t? What then? How will I explain…explain my absence, to your family why I just up and left…chasing a ghost? They’ll have me committed, and you know, you know the only asylum around is the Silent Hill Asylum…

But Silent Hill, The monsters! The monsters that follow and rip and tear and maim and and and…That pyramid thing! The pyramid thing that that killed Maria…twice? Twice?! I’m imagining things…was she even real? Something to make me feel…..No! I love Mary, I always have…haven’t I? But…I didn’t love her, no, not when she was sick, not when she was in the…on her death-no…don’t think...not about that, never about that…rowing, rowing, why did I come here, Mary is dead, why am I chasing old ghosts? This town, something is wrong with it, it never…..never was like this the last time…before she got so…the doctors here! They, they said that it was hopeless and, and I listened, why didn’t I try, try somewhere else? And then, - _oh god no no not my Mary not my Mary she can’t can’t be she can’t be!_ -dead, and now alone. The monsters, those nurses, the mannequin why why did it have her clothing, her favourite outfit. It couldn’t, shouldn’t never never be here! She didn’t die here, she died at home, all alone- no she had me…didn’t she? Yes, she had me there...right?

I think I’m going crazy is this town, the letter that was never here…and those monsters, it always leads back those monsters…haunting me following me…why? Why the weapons, the radio, the radio that, that looks so familiar, the gun that fits so well in my hands, the confidence, the pain is so real! Whywhywhywhy!? Why can’t I remember the funeral, the pain, her mother father brothers? The look on her face when I brought her flowers? When I made breakfast? Our wedding night, her job, where we met? WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER?! 

I, I need to stop and think…

I…Need…Mary.


End file.
